This conscious parenting seems like very hard work at times. Considering our words and actions before responding, rather than reacting, yelling, nagging, which does feel like the easy way in the thick of the intense parenting moments.
When we react, we are not usually heard by them, and we may even be breaking their spirit. We may be encouraging them to become people pleasers, to become dis-empowered in life.
We are reacting out of fear, and sometimes habit. We could be actually programmed to react a certain way. How many times do you say something to your kids and realize it’s exactly what you heard as a kid?
Conscious parenting demands that we be uber aware of our wounded inner child that needs some love and healing. Not to say we’ve all been wounded by our pasts in huge ways, but our perception of life’s experiences when we are kids is a bit more vulnerable than they likely are now, and ended up shaping us, some way or another. Those old issues may be buried and then triggered by heated mama (or daddy!) moments.
Our kids do tend to bring out the worst in us at times. Certain behaviors are not because they are bad, they are simply teaching moments for us. We are to be seeing the bigger picture – the whys, and where it’s all coming from. The kids are just being themselves, innocent and wild and free, we are the ones with the issues. These triggers provide us with opportunities to respond in a more loving enlightened way.
Our parents parented us with the dents that they were parented with, and so on and so on, nobody has ever been perfect, and parenting consciously isn’t about being a perfect parent. OMGoodness, imagine the pressure to put yourself under to do everything right! Think of the generations before us, the ‘kids are to be seen, not heard’, the ‘do as I say, not as I do’, the ‘I’ll give you something to cry about’, the ‘stop crying’, the ‘because I said so’. Looking at it now, what a bunch of BS that was! But it was normal. Totally hypocritical, but it was just the way it was. And most of us complied, or we suffered a consequence. But hey guess what, from a compassionate point, our previous generations came by this honestly. They are not to blame, neither are the parents that parented them. They came down a line of hearing that same old stuff.
Now let’s drop the past, and be here now. Times have changed!
What WE ARE HERE FOR NOW is to break those old cycles of domination-style parenting. We have evolved, as have our kids, in the spiritual sense, therefore outdated parenting must go as well. We are a generation of parents who are doing this parenting thing much much differently. We are pretty awesome actually, but of course we still make mistakes, again, learning opportunities.
We are teaching compassion, we listen to our kids, really hear them. We encourage their free speech, their expression of emotion. We want them coloring outside of the lines, thinking outside of the box. We don’t want them to sit still look pretty, we want to let them be free to dance, wiggle, squirm, create, be their authentic selves.
But honestly, because of how we’ve been wired from our own upbringings, that behavior embarrasses us sometimes, when they have messy hair and they just don’t care, they wear mismatched clothes, they stand and wiggle at the dinner table, or they simply won’t hug or say hi to the family members that love them but they don’t jive with. Really what’s important here? That they comply to fit, for approval from others? Or that they grow up happy, free and authentic.
My goodness there are way too many people pleasers, followers, unhappy individuals out there, I think it’s time we make a change. It starts with us, and them, our beautiful magical children. Do you think you have it in you?! I believe you do! We’re in this together. ❤